


I get by

by dubsdubu



Series: I get by with a little help from my friends [1]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:13:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26618746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dubsdubu/pseuds/dubsdubu
Summary: I wanted you in the past. Then I think I convinced myself I didn't. But that was a lie.I still love you, Kim Dahyun.And maybe I wanted to believe you could love me too.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Kim Dahyun, Kim Dahyun/Minatozaki Sana
Series: I get by with a little help from my friends [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936402
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	I get by

**Author's Note:**

> Haha well this was my first attempt at writing in first-person. I hope it isn't too confusing. Writing it definitely opened up a lot of feelings on my part. I hope it makes you feel things too. Huzzah for feelings!

Reading guide~

Regular prose will be in this font. This story is told in first-person, from Sana's point of view. I highly recommend reading the dayeon piece that this work is paired with either before or after cause there's more narrative there.

_Sana’s thoughts will be italicized._

**_The words Sana speaks will be bolded, italicized, a_** **_nd left-aligned._ **

**_Dahyun's words will be bolded, italicized, and right-aligned_ **

Happy reading (:

-kit.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


**_I get by…_**

  
  


I get by knowing that I am your best friend and that you are mine. We've known each other for years now. And look at us, we even live together. 

I get by thinking that my feelings for you are completely normal. Because it's really not that hard to love you. And who hasn't fallen in love with someone they shouldn't?

You make it so easy, Kim Dahyun.

* * *

I dropped you off at the curb, and you were still a little sleepy, groggy from the late night we had spent watching Disney movies together. Per your request, of course.

I didn't realize things could change so fast. Maybe I should have held on tightly to those last fleeting hours-- when it was just you and me, and my secret. 

Little did I know, you had a secret too. 

And somehow I was the last to find out-- well, almost last. 

\--

Jeongyeon was certain you had feelings for Nayeon.

Why didn't I see it before? Why didn't you tell me? 

I would have stopped playing this silly game a long time ago.

Jeongyeon said she wanted to help you two get together. But not everyone was on board, so we left it to a vote. 

But who was I to stand in the way of your happiness? 

I was just your best friend. 

But of course, we didn't actually know if this was what you wanted. So they asked me to ask you. 

To be honest, I didn't know how to begin. So I chose to wait for the right moment. Or maybe I just wanted to prolong the bliss of ignorance a little longer.

\--

But when we hopped into our respective cars, with you, and me, and Nayeon in the back; and you-- just as you had done many times before-- rested your head on my shoulder and slept, I thought maybe they were wrong.

Maybe there was a chance that you weren't in love with her. Maybe you loved me as much as I loved you. 

I could have gotten by just fine believing in that. 

But it wouldn't have been fair. Because I looked at Nayeon and immediately knew that she was madly in love with you too. How could she not? 

You made it too easy, Kim Dahyun.

\--

When we got to the campsite, I helped you pitch your tent, hoping that I could steal you away for a second or maybe two if we finished fast enough.

And we did. So we walked. And talked.

**_Hey, we're best friends, right?_ **

**_What kind of question is that! Of course, we are. We've been living together for how many years now, Sana!_ **

**_So why didn't you tell me you were in love with Nayeon?_ **

_Why didn't you, Dahyun? Why did you keep something like this from me?_

**_Where is this coming from?_ **

My aching heart. The one that you held so precariously in your hands without knowing how fragile it was.

_Please don't break it._

**_Is it true? The others all seem to know. How come I never did?_ **

**_I never told anyone, if that's what you think._ **

**_So it is true then? You are in love with her?_ **

You hesitated. But just for a second.

**_I guess…well, yes. I am. In love with her._ **

Then you tried to hide your smile. But I could still see it. 

I should have known.

**_I should have noticed how much happier you are when she's around._ **

**_I am. Happier, I mean. When I'm with her._ **

**_That's good. I'm happy for you, buddy._ **

_Buddy_ …that's all I could come up with.

\--

**_You should really tell her, you know?_ **

**_No, no way! She doesn't feel the same about me._ **

_You are a fool, Kim Dahyun._

She was head-over-heels in love with you.

**_You obviously haven't seen how she looks at you. She loves you too. I'm sure of it._ **

**_You're saying that because you're my best friend._ **

_Yes, I am._

Because I was _just_ your best friend. 

But also because it was true. 

**_I know 'the look' when I see it. Plus, I'd be surprised if she didn't like you._ **

**_You're an amazing person, you big dork._ **

You really shouldn't have made it so easy to love you.

**_How did you just compliment me and call me a dork at the same time?_ **

\--

I knew I couldn't be alone with you any longer. My heart had had enough. So I took you to Jeongyeon instead.

She had quite an elaborate plan-- the forced separation, the distraction, the hike, and the fake injury. And though you were hesitant, you still agreed to everything in the end. 

It just confirmed what I already knew even more. 

You must have really loved Nayeon.

\--

As the day passed by, all of us played our role to help you and Nayeon get together. Ironically, we had to first keep you apart. It didn't make sense to me, but then again, a lot of things didn't.

Then I heard from Momo that you took an unexpected dive in the lake. She and Mina were supposed to be watching you, but you slipped away to dry off and never returned.

So I went looking for you. Why did I go looking for you?

I should have just left you alone. In your tent. 

With Nayeon. 

But of course, I had to ruin your time with her.

_I didn't mean to._

_I'm sorry, Dahyun._

**_Sana…_ **

Why did you run after me, if not to give me false hope? You should have stayed with her. 

**_Hey, it's not what you think._ **

_Why, Dahyun? Why are you making this difficult?_

**_Nothing was going on._ **

It wasn't _nothing_ to her and it definitely wasn't _nothing_ to you. I saw it in your eyes.

**_I understand._ **

I lied. You lied. I guess we were even.

\--

When I saw you look at her, I knew there wasn't going to be a happy ending. 

Not for me, at least. 

But as your best friend, it was my job to make sure you were happy. You would have done the same for me.

So I agreed to go with you on the hike. Which I never really expected you to go on; but hey, the things we would do for love, right?

You were very eager, which kind of made me very worried. Mina also shared the same sentiment. She asked me to watch over you. I could only try. 

She asked you to watch out for me too.

**_I promise no harm will come to_** **_my_ **

**_dear darling Sana._ **

You didn’t know it, and it wasn't really your fault, but I was already hurting. 

\--

All hiking trails should come with a warning. 

Something like: Turn back. Land not flat. 

And I could barely walk on paved roads anyway.

My legs were already tired but we were just at the bottom of the trail-- hadn't even gotten to the incline. 

We were two (not so) little lambs and Chaeyoung (who was actually smaller than us) was our shepherd.

Before we set off, I looked at you again. Just to see how you were doing. 

**_Having second thoughts, Dahyunnie?_ **

**_Huh? Oh...no-- I uhh-- I just--_ **

Of course, you weren't. I knew that.

**_I'm kidding._ **

**_I know you're ready and you've been waiting._ **

**_Right. I'm ready!_ **

You didn’t need to worry, really. She loved you. A lot. 

Even though you were a big goofball-- who somehow managed to fall on the ground.

But I guess being silly was one of your greatest charms. You never failed to put a smile on my face, Dahyun. 

Just by being you. 

Although when you remained lying on the floor, Chaeng and I began to worry. 

**_Dahyun, are you okay?_ **

**_No…_ **

**_My pride is a little bruised._ **

_Dork._

**_For a second I was really worried about you._ **

But I couldn't help but laugh.

**_Hey, you're a terrible best friend for laughing at my misfortune!_ **

Maybe, but you were far too adorable. 

\--

We eventually kept climbing further up the trail. My lungs felt like they were on fire. No matter how much water I drank, it still wasn't enough. 

You held onto me for support, so I tried to be strong for both of us. 

**_I can't feel my legs anymore._ **

But Chaeyoung still had plenty of gas left in the tank. She laughed at both of us. 

**_Why did I sign up for this again?_ **

We all knew why…

For Nayeon. For the girl you loved.

\--

Thankfully, I didn't have to tease you for it because Chaeyoung beat me.

_It's the things we do for love._

**_Ah…why do you have to say it like that?_ **

You plopped yourself down on the ground, trying to hide your smitten smile, but it was no use. 

I deflected the pain I felt in my chest by scolding you for blocking the path. I even carried you to the side.

**_You're such a child. Don't block the path, Dubu!_ **

**_There's no one else here._ **

You called me out on my bullshit. 

**_You never know. Someone might come running._ **

But then you decided to let it go, waving me off. 

**_I can't believe we aren't done yet!_**

**_How much longer?_ **

Chaeyoung reminded you that you had agreed to the plan and this was part of it. She was proud of you for getting thus far though.

**_Well, I didn't come to this trip thinking I would be confessing my feelings to someone I've liked for a few years now._ **

I didn't plan for it either. I guess we were both blindsided.

_But damn, a few years…_

\--

Again, I was glad to have Chaeyoung around because she was the one asking you all the questions I couldn't bring myself to. 

_How did you know you liked her, Dahyun?_

**_We were hanging out one night, just the two of us, and in my heart, I just knew._ **

Where was I that night? Would things have changed if I had been around? Or would my presence just have delayed the inevitable?

**_I'm quite scared, honestly._ **

You shouldn't be. 

**_I can't tell if she likes me or if she just thinks of me as a friend. But I know I don't want to mess up again._ **

**_Again?_ **

**_I did like someone else before Nayeon, but I never had the guts to tell her anything._ **

_Why not?_

**_When I finally came to my senses, I was too late and I knew I could never be with her._ **

_Maybe some things just weren't meant to be._

**_But I'm way over that now._ **

_Very much so._

It made more sense as to why you had wanted to get this done and over with. 

**_I just don't want to miss my chance at love again._ **

_You won't, I'll make sure of it._

**_What if she doesn't feel the same?_ **

Oh, Dahyun… if you only knew. We were all rooting for you.

**_She'd be crazy not to._ **

\--

We kept on climbing and the view just got better and better. But the trail didn't get any easier. I tried to catch my breath so that I could maybe appreciate the view, but my lungs refused to cooperate. 

You were out of breath too. 

**_Chaeng. This. Is. Perfect._ **

You thanked Chaeyoung with a sweaty hug, much to her disgust. 

**_Nayeon would really love this, wouldn't she?_ **

It was beautiful.

To think that you would go to such (cheesy but sweet) lengths to profess your love to another person. 

It made me envious. Just a little. 

**_It is breathtaking in more ways than one._ **

Right, I could barely breathe. 

**_Though I still don't know how you're going_** **_to get her up here._ **

_You're far too modest, Kim Dahyun._

**_She'll do it for you._ **

_I don't doubt it. I would have done it for you._

_I am here for you. Only you._

\--

Ahead of us stood a steep pile of haphazardly stacked boulders. It was the final push before the peak. This really wasn't a good place to be distracted; one wrong move could definitely lead to serious harm.

But what else should I have expected from you, Dahyun? 

**_I'll meet you two on that bigger rock._ **

You always managed to get yourself in these kinds of sticky situations. And you always managed to take me along with you. 

You were my biggest distraction, Kim Dahyun. 

Chaeyoung had to pull me back to the ground. She asked if I was okay. 

I wasn't. 

But she didn't need to know that. 

She had a lot on her plate. And clearly, you were enough to fill it. 

**_Hey, Chaengie, watch this!_ **

\--

Never did the words "watch this" follow anything safe.

Chaeng and I watched you attempt to jump from one unstable rock onto another even-more-unstable rock. 

It didn't end well, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. You were lucky. Kind of. 

_But hey, we are all powerless against gravity._

You were definitely hurt though. I heard you wince in pain as you grabbed your ankle. 

**_Dahyun!_ **

So I took off, climbing up after you, not a care in the world if I got hurt.

**_Are you okay?_ **

You nodded, but you were still on the ground.

**_I'm okay._ **

Chaeyoung wasn't far behind me and when we both reached you, she immediately began to inspect you for any injuries. Besides the minor gashes on your elbows, it was only really your ankle that was in bad shape.

Kim Dahyun, you really knew how to make my heart race. 

I didn't want to think about how much worse it could have been.

Jeongyeon's plan was to have you fake an injury. But I guess you subconsciously didn't want to build a relationship on a lie.

\--

Amongst other troubles, none of us were prepared enough to bring our phones up. 

You were hurt and needed help and I was frustrated that I couldn't do much. 

**_I'm not dying! I'm fine. I just need a little help._ **

I felt useless. With Chaeyoung volunteering to make the trek down to find the others, all I could do was sit beside you.

And we sat in comfortable silence for quite a long time. I would just check to make sure you were okay once in a while. You could never be too sure.

**_Are you still okay?_ **

**_Yes, for the fifth-- or sixth time-- I lost count--_ **

**_I'm okay, Sana._ **

Your laughter stopped me from worrying too much. 

It was all I needed to hear. 

**_Good. Just checking._ **

We both sighed together. And maybe you were tired of being quiet because you decided you wanted to talk some more.

**_Sunsets are so pretty._ **

**_I wish I could take a picture of this._ **

If only we had our phones, but I suppose a mental picture would do. It was beautiful. You were beautiful.

**_Well, if you hadn't fallen in the lake, maybe you could have._ **

**_Momo pushed me in!_ **

\--

All you had to do was pout and I was already weak for you. I couldn't help myself. I just had to pull you close to me. 

_You make me so happy, Dahyun._

**_Sana?_ **

**_Hmm?_ **

**_Did you really not know I had feelings for Nayeon?_ **

**_No, I actually didn't. I don't know-- I just never thought about you two like that._ **

I was too in love with you to notice. 

**_Well, I guess I didn't say anything either, huh?_ **

**_No, you really didn't._ **

Maybe you should have. 

Maybe it would hurt a lot less now if I had known. 

But then again, nothing would have stopped me from falling for you. 

So the pain became inevitable too.

**_I guess that's my fault then._ **

Sort of. But not in a bad way. 

You just made it really easy to love you. 

And on my part, I was foolish to think you wouldn't fall for someone as sweet as Nayeon. 

_She's an excellent catch. You two deserve each other._

\--

**_Maybe I should have paid more attention._ **

**_No, you really couldn't have figured it out._ **

**_I think I hid it from you-- but not on purpose, of course!_ **

Why would you hide something like that from me?

**_Well, I suppose now might be the best time to finally say this before anything else happens tonight--_ **

**_Dahyun, what are you talking--_ **

**_I used to really like you._ **

_Oh…_

_No one ever really prepares you for what heartbreak feels like. I wish it came with a warning._

You held my heart precariously in your hands and at some you chose to let it go. 

**_But I'm over it now, of course._ **

_Of course…_

**_You liked me before? Why didn't you say anything?_ **

Why didn't I say something? Could we have worked out if I had told you about my feelings? 

Would we have gotten together if I hadn't been a coward?

**_I don't know. I was scared. We had just moved in together and we were close friends._ **

**_I didn't want to scare you away_ **

I was already yours, Dahyun. I would have said yes. 

**_But our friends got together._ **

**_It's different with you._ **

_How?_

**_I don't know._ **

**_You just became my best friend;_ **

**_and by then, I didn't want to risk losing that._ **

I guess we were both cowards.

\--

I could have gotten by believing you never felt anything for me, Dahyun. I would have been fine without knowing that at one point, you loved me too.

_Because what can I do now? I'm still in love with someone who used to love me._

**_I don't want things to be weird between us now._ **

_Please, stop._

**_I promise, I'm way, way, way, over you._ **

_You don't need to tell me what I already know._

**_I know. You love Nayeon now._ **

\--

**_Gosh, I can't believe I told you that._ **

_I really wish you hadn't._

**_I must have knocked my head on this rock really hard._ **

**_I've kept that secret for so long I almost forgot about it._ **

_But I can't blame you for this pain. It's all on me._

**_Thank you for sharing, Dahyun. It's-- it's really brave of you. Though I wished you had told me sooner._ **

**_Sorry, I was scared when I had feelings for you_ **

**_and when I moved on,_ **

**_I thought it would just make things weird_ **

**_Is that what you were trying to talk about earlier? When we were with Chaeng?_ **

**_Yeah, I guess part of me has always wanted to_ **

**_let you know too._ **

**_Well, now I do. And you know what?_ **

**_Nothing has changed. I'm still your best friend_ **

**_and I still love you the same._ **

_I still love you the same, Kim Dahyun._

**_I'm glad. Thank you, Sana._ **

_I just want to see you happy._

_Even if it's not with me._

\--

**_Hey, what do you say we get you to the peak?_**

**_What? How?_ **

**_I can carry you on my back._ **

I was not the strongest person out there, but I would try my best for you.

**_Sana, no. It's fine. I can say what I need to say here._ **

**_Yeah, but this isn't what we came here for._ **

**_You wanted it to be special when you told Nayeon how you felt. I want to help you do that._ **

**_Sana, you're gonna make me cry_**.

**_That's okay, you can cry. I'll cry with you._ **

For a different reason. But hey, you didn't need to know that. It was my own little secret.

**_What do you say?_ **

**_If you really don't mind, then yes._ **

**_Please help me up to the peak._ **

I offered you a hand and you gladly took it. 

**_We're almost there anyway. Just a short climb up._ **

I helped you get on my back and held you close to me, because I wanted to be selfish for a while more.

**_Thanks for doing this, Sana._ **

**_You really didn't have to._ **

**_Yeah, but I wanted to._ **

I loved you too much. 

\--

**_Hold me tight._ **

You did as instructed. And when you rested your head on my shoulder, I felt the full weight of your love.

A love that wasn't mine to keep.

I was glad you couldn't see my face because I didn't want you to see me crying.

_I'm happy for you, I promise._

\--

We reached the peak together and I put you down gently. 

You had that content smile on your face as you took in the view. I just knew you couldn't wait to share it with her. 

I turned away from you to steady myself. Because the tears hadn't stopped. I couldn't stop myself. The more I looked at you, the more my heart wanted to break. 

But I couldn't let you see it, so I poured the rest of my water on my face to hide my tears.

**_Hey, are you okay?_ **

**_Yeah, just-- um-- catching my breath._ **

I even placed my hands on my knees to look more convincing. Maybe it worked because you didn't ask me again.

And part of me was glad you didn't because I wouldn't have been able to lie another time.

_So ask me again, Kim Dahyun._

_Please…ask me again._

But you didn't. 

**_Do you want some of my water?_ **

**_No, thank you. I'm good._ **

**_Okay, well, come sit by me then._ **

I did as you asked and you did as you pleased, leaning your head on my shoulder-- like you'd done countless times before. 

_Is it still your favorite spot?_ _Or have you found another?_

It would always be reserved for you.

\--

We were alone together for what seemed like a few more minutes. I couldn't really tell. 

It felt like time had stopped for me. 

And if it weren’t for the setting sun, I wouldn't have known that time had passed at all.

But then I heard her calling your name and then mine. 

She made the climb for you. 

I couldn't keep y'all apart any longer, so I let our friends know exactly where we were and then went right back to you. 

Everyone appeared breathless as they reached the top. Thinking back, I honestly didn't know how I was able to carry you up on my own.

I guess I had other things on my mind to distract me from the physicality of the task.

_You were always on my mind._

\--

I helped you stand up and you leaned on me for support. Our friends could barely walk towards us, so we made our way to them. 

We huddled together, forming a circle with you across from Nayeon. Our friends took turns scolding you for being careless. You still managed to joke about it.

**_I guess karma wanted to make me an honest person._ **

Those who knew of Jeongyeon's plan-- everyone but Nayeon-- laughed. She was visibly confused. 

Tzuyu asked if you had something to say to Nayeon, pushing you to speak.

We all knew you did. It was time to let her know. 

You took a deep breath in and pulled your arm off my shoulder. 

**_Sana, you can let me go now._ **

**_I think I can stand on my own._ **

I did as you asked.

Because it was the only thing left for me to do.

_I've done my job as your best friend, Dahyun._

_And I hope you're happy._

This whole day, I felt like the world around me stopped turning. But you kept on moving; and at some point, I was afraid that I'd lose you. 

So I stuck with you. I tried to keep up.

But you were already too far gone.

_You finally say the words. Except, they aren't for me._

**_I'm in love with you._ **

_I'm in love with you too, Kim Dahyun._

\--

I used to get by just thinking that I would have been fine loving you in secret. And maybe part of me hoped you would feel the same at some point and tell me.

But I guess that's where I screwed up, huh? 

You did love me, but you just didn't tell me.

And I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't. Because I really would have loved to hear those words from you.

Sorry is all I can be right now.

But I promise, I'll get by.

Someday, somehow.

_I'll get by._

  
  


**_\------_ **

  
  



End file.
